Steadiness

Steadiness

Steadiness - putting in effort without strain. In Yoga, it's balanced action or Sukha Stira. In a way to me, it's a kinder version of discipline, where we can create our own space to forgive and get messy and forgive again.

In my meditation practice a few evenings ago, my teacher Baron Baptiste asked us to set a mantra to anchor our attention on.

What came up for me wasn't sexy nor aww inspiring - it was STEADINESS, which was new to me. I wasn't sure of it initially but it was the first thing that popped into my head. And I kept repeating it in my head, and it got stuck.

We all have our things to do daily so that we don’t go insane, things that we don’t want to do but we need to do, right?I've been struggling with doing too much things, because I was afraid of feeling overwhelmed. Because when I feel overwhelmed, I do nada. Zilch!! Unproductive.

That day I gave myself permission to skip my pills, the herbs, my to-dos and the what-nots - and gave myself a break , to restore myself back to love.

I meditated and I journaled and what came up was a long of poem of sorts.. It is what it is, the chatters of my monkey mind. 

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Love Every B**** Of You

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Love Every B**** Of You

I wrote and rewrote this post so many times (which is why I missed sending my newsletter out last week)

When I first wrote it, I was feeling nice and fuzzy, and then boom, time of the month happened. I was feeling frustrated, angry and sad, tired all within a day, which lasted a good 5 days. 

The title of the blog was originally Love Every Bits of You, and it’s during that angsty period that I "cleverly" changed it to “Love Every B**** of you”. Well, at least I thought it was clever.... but then I wasn't not even sure I can write it out loud... it is a bad word, no? Anyways... I ended up with B*****, but you get what i mean... 

I'm so frustrated at my Bits sometimes, and I know I can't change it... and having to practice Equanimity last week for the 40 days got me present to another experience of being calm which is be in acceptance and surrendering and going with the flow. I'm angry. I complain and I still love every bits of me.

It's like… don't you have complaints about your other half or about your mum or your boss, that you wish you could change, but having done the work, you know you can't? You have to accept them the way they are.

It's like that here, with your bits.

We can't change our "bits" either, but we can change how you respond to them. And change happens moment to moment. You notice your b***** hollering at ya, you holla back (be friendly), you accept them, you love them and you forgive them if you don't feel like it.

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Actually, We Are Not In The Same Boat

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Actually, We Are Not In The Same Boat

“I heard that we are in the same boat. But it's not like that. We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat.”

That is a cold hard truth. We all have own stories and struggles and in this difficult time, it’s important that we find it in our hearts to be kinder and compassionate towards to one another.

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If It's Not Important, You Won’t Have Any Resistance

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If It's Not Important, You Won’t Have Any Resistance

Found another gem to add my list of love letters to myself. It’s more like reminder, a reality check in, because it made me aware that what I’m doing now is important. And it speaks to m heart and make it easier for me to do the “hard” stuff and things “I don't feel like doing.”

Love Mantra for Anxious People

Love Mantra for Anxious People

I'm beginning to sound like broken record. I do hold back from being Me, because of the not-good-enoughs swirling in my DNA, which cause me anxiety.

Before you tell me to STOP IT....

I have stopped my not-good-enoughs in its tracks, but it has to start somehow somewhere.. Something has to catch fire before you put the fire out.

I don't think there's any way to stop the thoughts from forming. And the hardest job is not believe in the lie that we believed as the truth all our lives. And it's possible to listen, acknowledge and do what scares you most, which is to drop the not-good-enoughs and just be good, and have faith that that is enough.

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