Photo by Rachel Kelli on Unsplash
If you didn’t know this - I was 40 when I started IVF.
There were a few things I wished I had done before starting. I absolutely have no regrets because I always trusted and believed that every decision I made was RIGHT for that moment in time.
But with the information I have today, if I could go back in time, I would have done things differently and this is what I would tell my 40 year old self………
1) Don’t jump straight into IVF, Sophie
I know you feel overwhelmed, and you’d rather listen to the doctor because he’s the professional. And I know you’re afraid that you are running out of time, because you are “older”.
But trust me, you have the time - investigate what might be going on, as much as taking a few months to do. This could make all the difference to your odds of success, if you do decide to proceed with treatment. So take this time 3-6 months to heal, to know your body and get yourself physically, mentally and spiritually “IVF ready”.
I thought I was healthy, and I was but I guess, not for conceiving. It was one of those things that you can’t really tell. In my head - I didn't want to think of the worst. I believed I was healthy, I ate healthy, I exercised. And the doctor said that I didn’t need any additional supplements nor TCM nor yoga.
It was our blindspot - you’ll laugh, because I know you like to read. I resisted reading the book "It starts with the Egg" by Rebecca Fett, till like about my 2nd cycle.
But the thing is if you don’t have all the information, your actions are skewered.
When you have the facts in front of you especially evidence-backed information, you can then choose small right actions based on those facts, towards your goals. Rather than sink in the pool, without even a buoy to hang on to.
So go have your fertility checked and see a doctor, get a 2nd opinion if need be. And then just read the book - no harm - start with this one book.
2) LEARN to Reduce stress NOW!
And cultivate a nourished and resilient lifestyle with yoga.
I know you know how to reduce stress, because you are a yoga teacher, and you probably think you aren’t stressed BUT imagine this:
YOU running from appointments to appointments, reading fertility and medical jargon that blows up your brain cells, scheduling the timings for your injections/medication/supplements, making difficult decisions and having tough conversations, on top of dealing with your old fear-based stories and negative thoughts
Even though you thrive on a routine (and I know you will weirdly enjoy the regimented IVF life) but the IVF journey will disrupt your colour-coded google calendar.
And with your overwhelm-initis, needing to be busy and perfectionist tendencies, all the more you will need to look into cultivating a ritual of calming practices that you can do everyday. So that, even when you are not feeling stressed, your body will remember what it feels like to be calm in moments of stress and anxiety.
Evidence has also shown that there is a link between stress and infertility, and doing mindbody practices can help increase the success rates of IVF.
This is what you can do (remember you have time):
Introduce gentler practices like restorative yoga , yin, sound healing into your life. So that you will not stop practising yoga during the IVF cycle.
Research and sign up for Fertility Yoga and IVF Yoga teacher training!
Start creating a morning ritual of meditation, breathing and journaling.
Practice surrendering and letting go of your plans
Yoga is so good for anxious people like us, and when we are struggling with infertility, that’s when we need it the most.
You say you will do it - PUT IN THE SCHEDULE PLEASE! And know that yoga doesn’t have to look a certain way. There is a way to do yoga without doing a 60 mins class. You are already doing alot. What you are doing now is enough, for now.
3) Honour your menstrual cycle
You lived 40 years without giving a 2nd thought to your menstrual cycle. I know there’s shame and generational trauma around this topic but don’t be afraid. You are safe. It’s time to pay attention to your monthlies and work with it instead of against it.
Start with giving yourself permission to take a menstrual holiday on the days of the bleeding or the heaviest day, because you can.
The idea is to rest, not to take on too much commitments. Forgive yourself for not being productive, or busy or god-forbid - lazy.
Even if you are feeling good, no crampings etc - stop all the unnecessary doings and the strong practices. Go for a walk, a facial, meditate in a supine supported butterfly pose… try to slow down for just this 1-2 days of the month.
Then read the book - Moving with the Dark Moon by Ana Davis
4) Take an integrated multi-prong approach to your IVF journey
Once you have your emotional and mental health in hand, or in practice, look to exploring various modalities for improving your fertility health.
IVF is not 100% guaranteed and not a quick fix to your fertility issues!!
Medical advancement in IVF is well and good, but when there is a possibility of being a statistic, meaning there’s the 1 in 6 that will not respond to the IVF protocol/medication, AND especially if you are worried about age-ing, why not, take the time to look at your fertility health, from all aspects - mental, physical, emotional and spiritual.
The doctor will not tell you this but look at the following:
Yoga as a lifestyle (point 2)
Fertility Supplements (point 1)
Acupuncture
Fertility Massage
Your diet (Increase protein intake, focus on anti-inflammatory food, track your water intake, gut health)
Sleep
Intermittent fasting according to your cycle
Additional tests or surgery
There’s more. But I don’t want overwhelm you, but these are the things I would have to look into further if I had a magic wand, to swish me back in time. Do your research. do them one at a time, and you don’t have to do them and you can. (And when you are ready, I’ll write you another letter :)
5) The IVF journey is a freaking long marathon!!
And if it’s a marathon, you won’t decide to run the marathon the day before the race, right?
What would you do?
You would plan, and train right?
I did jump into the bandwagon, rather quickly (thus this letter to you); but I regrouped after my 2nd IVF retrieval. And every cycle after that, I will take a pause.
And I started asking myself how I can do better and what can I give up doing that will give me peace.
I can't control the medical aspect or what's happening within my body, but at least I can do what I can to make my heart and womb space joyful, easeful and calm.
Along the way - I created my IVF prep Checklist.
It's pretty basic, but simple enough for me to take small best actions to support my fertility health.
———
Dearest 40 year old Sophie,
So that’s it for now.
You will start doing lot in the beginning, spending $$$ and experiencing FOMO. Your older and wiser self here signed up for THREE fertility support and yoga courses at one go, tried infrared light, feet soak, 30 mins yoga, moxibustion, overhauled toiletries for the “cleaner” version, buying every new fertility supplement that comes into into my purview - yes a lot.
But I love you, younger Sophie.
Remember:
You have time.
You are doing more enough.
You are enough.
Believe in miracles
What you need is inner joy and peace of mind
There are success stories for over 40s, pregnant on the 1st IVF. and you’d want to go into each cycle with your glass half full, rather than half empty.
And maybe you might have a higher success rate because remember that you are younger than the “older you” who started taking care of her fertility health later, so any time is the right time to take charge of your IVF Journey.
But right now is all you’ve got!
I’ll end this letter with a beautiful meditative journal prompt that I hope you will use as a gauge for making the hard decisions -
What can I do to support my peace of mind now? How can I be joyful and peaceful today?
xo
