Photo: @souldeelight
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
Do you remember your first experience with yoga?
I remember I used to be that girl at the back of class, worried about what other people think of her because she cannot touch her toe, or she cannot do the crow, cannot feel what the teacher say she's supposed to feel in the pose, or frustrated that she got out of the pose because it was just too much etc?
The truth is I had too much expectations with my body, and I ended up feeling disappointed, angry, frustrated, and injured.
I thought I'm better now but apparently there's still an element of expectation in me, but in the opposite way.
Photo Credit: Nelumbo Yoga
Recently I did a class where we were prepped to do a peak pose called the arm pressure pose (bhujapidasana).
And it made me recall something I read, which went like this:
Question: Who killed you?
Answer: Expectations
I didn’t have expectations that I can do it. I had expectations that I CANNOT do it.
The thing is I’ve done it before, but that was before my wrist issues and before my struggles with chaturangas.
Being well-trained in the Baptiste methodology, we know (because Baron often says) - anything is possible, if you are a yes.
So I did try. I went through the first stage of placing my shoulders behind my legs and my hands behind my feet. I leaned back slowly and nope, it wasn’t going to happen. I could feel my wrists were screaming! Ahhhh.....
Then I went on my fists. And I held my awkward shape for a few breaths. And then I let it go.
I was super proud for pushing past my edge and that I listened to my body and adapted it for that moment.
Anything is possible. It may look damn ugly, but it is possible.
“Consider that adapting your yoga practice to honor your needs is advance yoga.”
A definition of an expectation is a strong belief that something will happen but I prefer this definition that an expectation is an unspoken request.
If you are honest with yourself, we all have an idea of how our day is supposed to turn out, our yoga practice and even how our life is supposed to be. We have dreams. We have hopes. We have goals.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. It is okay to have expectations, but expectations can result in disappointment and misery, especially when it’s not fulfilled.
Yes, we are bound to get disappointed at some stage in life, the difference is how we choose to cope with it. Do we let it bring us down, or do we take control?
Who wouldn’t want to be flexible? Who wouldn’t want to nail a handstand? Who wouldn’t want to own their own big house and live happily ever after with their kids and dogs? Who wouldn’t life to be back to normal after COVID?
Our biggest fear is that it will not happen or it will happen. But what if you give up what you think your yoga practice or life should look like?
What if you let go of expectations and instead create mindful intentions?
Can you imagine how much space you can create for your breath, for joy and for possibilities.
“The key in letting go is practice. Each time we let go, we disentangle ourselves from our expectations and begin to experience things as they are. ”
Expectations are very crafty, they are always there even though you don’t want it there. They are part of your citta, your monkey mind, and if the true goal of yoga is to still the fluctuations of your monkey mind (yoga citta vritti nirodha) - then indeed letting go of expectations is one way to get there.
For example, I’m trying to give up what a healthy breakfast should look like, but it did cross my mind that having an oat bar and an apple isn’t considered “healthy” or breakfast but whatever - I’m eating something and that’s more important.
I try not to have expectations in my practice too, and the mat is a great way to practise letting go of stuff.
I’ve started paying attention to my intention which is to find joy and steadiness in every pose and in every breath.
A long time ago, I’ve learnt to acknowledge and accept that my body doesn’t suit all the poses and it doesn’t have to. It ‘s very liberating to be able to move according to my body feels especially when I adapt the shapes to suit my needs.
Letting it go
Being intentional (remember my why)
Acknowledge
Accept
Adapt
And when I falter, I begin again.
This is my yoga (and life) practice.
““You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.””
This is my invitation to you.
Start on your mat.
Start with looking at where you have expectations of your body and give yourself permission to give it up.
Push yourself yes, push past your edge, because you can. And sometimes backing off or choosing the easy option will test your courage too.
You will look different from the other students, so what! This was something that took awhile for me to give up - the concern of looking bad. In fact, the ability to adapt your practice is a superpower, it's not a weakness.
You get to learn to also adapt to what life throws at you! The uncertainties, the things that happen that is beyond your control. The ability to be move forward in the face of adversity, to give up expectations. To be contended with we have.
And that all starts on the mat.
Giving up expectations is a moment-to-moment practice so keep showing up on your mat.
“Yoga and life doesn’t have to look a certain way. ”