Photo by Derick McKinney on Unsplash
I had a conversation with my husband the other day about how to respond better when someone annoys you. Or when they insist their way is the right way (and we have to listen or else) or they give unsolicited advice when we didn’t ask for it. They might even say hurtful things, or give you negative feedback.
I’m not saying he has to; or you have to. In fact, you can do whatever you want to do. But consider that you always have a choice on how you interact with others.
Yes, you do.
I’m just asking what’s possible if we respond with loving kindness instead of anger or frustration?
Triggers
When we are triggered, most of the times, if we are not aware, we tend to react badly.
For example, I used to get annoyed with my mum when she nags, to the point that even before she opened her mouth, I would get defensive. I get frustrated (still do) if someone tells me what to do, and (I get this a lot) that I should do blah blah blah to improve my fertility because it helped a friend.
I could walk away but sometimes you can't choose the people you are with (or whom you love).
The goal is to find peace
Who would have known that this will be my goal in life?
The truth is if you can't change others or situation, the only person you can change is yourself.
You may say "it's not my fault", or "I'm right, they are wrong" or "why should I be the one to change?"
And my question to you is Do you want your heart to be at peace?
If that's not your goal in life, fine. If you are not tired of other people taking your power away from you, fine. If you want to stay in the swirl of negativity, fine!
And all I'm asking is for you to consider what's possible if you cultivate loving kindness with others.
Love for others begins with Oneself
It’s not easy to love others - without judging and without the need to fix and make them wrong.
It’s something I’ve been working on for a long time - to be kinder than necessary.
Why? Because I’m trying to a better human being; Because the world needs more kindness. And because I want to be at peace.
I’m not perfect. I’m aware when I say things that hurt others; when I don’t listen, when I give advice, when I think I’m right, when I get angry.
To paraphrase Patanjali - an ancient yogi sage - Harm begins in the mind. Harming others begins with Harm to oneself. (from yoga sutra 2.35).
I cause harm to others because really I'm saying unkind things to myself. Thus it also makes sense that when we have the intention to love others unconditionally, it makes us work on loving ourselves more.
The stories that you tell yourself - dims your light
When we get triggered, there's usually a story behind it caused by a past trauma/childhood experience that becomes a negative limiting belief .
The thoughts and feelings that come up because of these stories are real. But they are not true, for you, at this moment.
Imagine what your life would be like if you could disrupt your old stories and replace it with loving thoughts?
Connect with your heart
There is a Sioux Indian saying 'The longest journey you will ever take is from your head to your heart'
When we get triggered, we are mostly in our heads.
So what we can do to ease our mind and find peace is to trust our hearts; trust and cultivate tools that can help our body remember how to be calm in moments of anxiety and stress.
Remember - You are Amazing
You're amazing — don't let your stories dim your beautiful light. Now’s the time to let go of your stories so you can create space for new possibilities.
Be extra loving because you can.
(I'm going to share with you a poem below, which inspired this post. I'm not sure who wrote this but credit goes to my teacher Leandra who read this poem in one of her classes. Let me know if you know the author and don’t forget to scroll down for your journal prompt.)
Journal:
Think of a past event or person which/who has triggered you - and ask yourself if anything is possible, how would you respond differently?
(Know that you don't have to forgive anyone or do the things on your list and you can.)