Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash
Everyday you wake up, don’t you ever wonder why you have to wake up?
I did, a couple of weeks ago.
Because every morning for the past 6-8 weeks, first thing I do, all blurry eyed is………
1/ Record my BBT (Basal Body Temperature), and then record it on my Femometer app (One of the requirements of my fertility support course)
Then
2/ I do my Lumen (it’s this thing that I breathe into that tracks my metabolism - my birthday present :)
3/ Meditate, remove my retainers, brush my teeth, boil water…… (and while waiting for water to boil, organise his and hers supplements for the day)
4/ Drink a full cup of warm water
5/ Self-practice or take an online yoga class
6/ Journal
7/ Set alarm to eat within 90 mins of waking up…..
8/ Shower
Oh wait -
That’s my morning ritual…. IN MY DREAMS!!
Most mornings, like this morning, it’s eyes-open-eyes-on-the-phone for the next hour or 2.
So I’m beginning to question the why i’m waking up. It makes no sense to wake up to things that don’t matter, right? Even it’s entertainment, and it makes me laugh.. And then ask myself again why do I wake up?
Do I want to be the person lying in bed and debating whether I should get up or not? Or should I get up and go? I got things to do!!
the voices in our head
It’s a first world problem, ain’t it? That I’m worried if not getting up makes me lazy and worthless? And then I do the thing that confirms that thought, which is of course, a lie but it’s also my deepest darkest secret. (that I’m lazy)
I’ve a friend whom I’m trying my best to see her as the highest version of herself, with nothing to fix, and it’s so hard. In conversations, she always brings up her stressful “woe is me” life. Always!
Recently, she verbally requested for affirmation that her life is worst than any of us. What can we do but nod our heads and feel sorry for her, and then feel guilty for living our blessed lives?
I’m thinking that every day she wakes up, it must be horrible to feel the way she feels when she has a roof over head, beautiful children, a job pre- and post- Covid and to still be young and healthy.
I wished she could see how lucky she is, and I’m sure my words will be taken out of context so I kept quiet. The itch to “baron” her is there, but I see her as whole and complete with nothing to fix. And I told her once, that our stress like our stories are different, but I feel what she feels. And she’s not alone.
I’m sure one day I’ll know exactly what to say, but for right now, I’ll drop what I know and leave her be.
New way of looking
It does put into perspective, that I’ve a great life. And I don’’t have to feel guilty about it. Tomorrow maybe it might be shitty with all the disempowering thoughts swirling around in my head, or maybe in next 2 hours, I’ll play the woe-is-me card?
That’s the thing, you know - moment to moment, our moods change, things happen or don’t happen, to cause pain, suffering, joy, anger, laughter.
And our moods and emotions are transient, they will pass. My teacher mentioned a quote in class the other day - Our thoughts move through our lives like a swinging door; it moves freely. We can either be the door or the doorman who stops the thoughts - something like that.
I guess right now my friend’s acting like a doorman … like I am in the morning, when I question why I wake in the morning and then I don’t get up.
My life ain’t that bad. Yes, I have a lot of todos in one morning, and to one person, he/she will thrive, but for someone with a serious case of overwhelminitis , it can get to be a lot…
I’ve a lot to be thankfully for - a beautiful apartment, a loving husband, I have friends and family that never fails to lift up mood with their instastories, my baptiste mates who are doing the work on themselves so we can support each other in our personal growth.
Technically I shouldn’t have any worries. But like any other healthy human beings, I do worry.
For some days like this morning, it’s okay to sleep in because I can. I know it’s never too late to do the things I need to do. In fact. this difficulty in getting up is bringing to light - my rigidity and maybe all I need to do is to give myself permission to be flexible and accept things as they are and as they are not.
I wake up in the morning because
I want to be that person who wakes up and brings joy to others around her. I wake up at 6am because I need to to meditate; I need to yoga to find my centre and to do all those things which are important to me. I’m not a go-getter - I don’t get all excited about exercising when the sun is not out yet. But I want to be that person with integrity, who says what she say she will do, and not fluff around.
And I can put a snooze alarm on my doorman, and tell him to stay in bed so I can get up. Because it’s my door, and it’s my story and I have the power to change my story every morning!
Let me ask you -
Do you feel like you’re doing things on autopilot? Do you feel feel like everyday is like groundhog’s day?
Why do you wake up in the morning? How do you tap into the “me” that says “I have to get up right now”?
Please share your thoughts in the comments below. I would really love to know.
xoxo
“The answer to how is be a yes”
Photo by Chris Curry on Unsplash