Throughout your IVF journey, did you ever think you needed peace? I’m not talking about peace and quiet from the noise out of the outside world and from people, but the peace from your inner thoughts?
In today’s post, I write about why it's important to cultivate inner peace, and why it became something that I yearn for throughout my IVF journey. If you read till the end, you’ll learn 3 tips on how to choose a style of yoga to fit your IVF lifestyle and I'll share a mantra that has been helpful towards getting me closer to peacefulness in my heart.
“To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.”
I used to think of PEACE as something that is “out there”, unattainable and a little woo-woo.
When the movie, Miss Congeniality first came out, do you remember the Q&A part where the host asked the contestants, “what is one most important thing our society needs?” - and all them said World Peace, And even the character Sandra Bullock conceded and said the same thing.
It was a funny segment, but knowing what we know now - why is that funny? What’s wrong with wanting peace?
The obvious answer is because of our mercurial society and peer pressure - PEACE is not a tangible goal and most importantly, it doesn’t earn you money.
Imagine at 18, if I had told my parents I wanted inner peace instead of becoming a mortgage broker (which was my full time job before)?
Or that I wanted to be a yoga teacher?
I’d be smacked upside down.
(BTW this would never have happened then. I’m just saying, you know.)
When DID peace become necessary
Wanting inner peace does not put food on the table. But unconsciously, I did desire to be at peace, which brought me to my yoga mat.
Even then, I wasn’t aware I needed peace. When I started yoga, I was definitely not looking for peace. I was that girl that at the back of the class, struggling with touching my toes, and worrying about other people think of me.
I knew in my heart that peace was the end game of yoga, which was Patanjali’s mission when creating the centuries-old “8 Limbs of Yoga” - a yogic blueprint to a blissful life - which I thought was possible only for monks and nuns - me, I’m just a normal human. hah!
So I I didn’t feel like I needed peace until I started IVF.
The emotional struggle Of IVF
How do you feel when you hear of pregnancy or baby news? How do you feel on world IVF day, when social media throws up millions of pics of IVF babies, and you are still trying for your one? How do you feel being a waiting room at the doctor’s (or in my case, a yoga studio) - surrounded by pregnant bellies? How do you feel about trying again when your grief and loss from the previous cycle was so devastating?
In a recent survey - I asked my students, if anything is possible, what would they want more of? And the number of them that said they want to be peaceful and happier is....... a lot.
And I get it because I know from experience that that the IVF journey can bring you down, and turn you into unfamiliar shell of yourself; you feel disconnected with your body and with people around you, you get into this swirl of negativity and unworthiness in your mind.
I've gone through multiple IVF cycles, and I know it's not easy to get out the trauma of repeated failures and grief, but what helped me thrive was my yoga practice.
“The path to inner peace is through meditation”
Yoga for INner peace
Yoga gave me peace because the constant about yoga is that it will get you out of your head because in your head is where anxiety, worries, shame and guilt lives.
And meditation gives access to inner peace.
But whether you meditate, do pranayama, journal or a gentle yoga, as long as you practice yoga, that moment when you practice, gives you an opportunity to give yourself grace from having negative thoughts, cultivate patience to let them go, and practice bringing the attention back to the present, over and over again.
There's no better feeling than the relief and freedom of letting go of things that is beyond your control or a future that has not happened yet. Even if it's only for that moment or during the 5 mins breathing practice, or an 1 hour yoga for self care class.
When you make time for your peace of mind during IVF, you actually take back control of your life. Perhaps you might find your old me before infertility or maybe a better and stronger version of you.
One of my students, Regal said this
“Your class was like an epiphany………until your class I did not even know what I was searching for. I was looking for peace. I needed to be in a place where i didn't feel judged, where my brain could just be quite. It's amazing what you don't even realize you're hanging on to until those quiet moments.”
Boom!
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
you can always choose inner peace
Maybe peace is something that is not at the top of priorities! But look at your long list of things you need to get done today. Don’t you think you deserve to get a respite from all the doing?
I do understand that yoga is not for everyone or you you may have doubts if it works, or you are too busy, you are feeling overwhelmed - and at the same time, you know you need something in your life, to balance the inner turmoil that comes up from struggling with infertility.
So start with a kind thought first-
I CHOOSE PEACE INSTEAD OF THIS
(I heard this beautiful mantra prayer from one of Gabby Bernstein’s podcast and I love it. It resonates more with me than the mantra “Peace begins with me”.:)
I ask myself a question, in the beginning of my IVF journey - do I need a baby to be happy? I didn't have an answer then.
Ask me again -
My answer today is No. My heart's greatest desire is a baby but what I really need instead is inner peace so I can survive whatever I am going through with or without baby.
I am choosing peace instead of this.
You can do the same!
>>>>>>>>>>
Choose peace instead of the drama.
Choose peace because you want to be kind instead of being right.
Choose peace so you can care for parts of yourself that has never been cared for before.
Choose peace because you are choosing NOT to suffer; you are choosing to let go feelings of anger, anxiety, resentment from your heart.
Choose peace so you can stop feeling anxious about the future.
And in choosing peace, you are choosing joy.
When you can, choose peace as a way of life.
Thich Nhat Hanh says this “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.
“I choose peace instead of this”
