Photographer: Soul-Deelight
Let’s get real -
THE Main reason why people are unhappy is because they are not satisfied with their lives.
That’s what Mel Robbins purports in her Ted Talk. She says we keep screwing up our lives because we don’t go for what we want. We don’t say it. We don’t do it. We don’t live it.
So the question I ask myself now is am I unhappy?
How can that be?
Yes, a lot of things are not going MY way (like not finishing my blog in time). And there are a whole lot of other things that’s going right and of which, I can be grateful for.
Finding gratitude is one way to be happy and is there another way?
Photo by Freshh Connection on Unsplash
As I’m writing this, I’ve been experiencing anxiety, and that, my friends, is making me unhappy.
I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I don’t want to feel pathetic. So I escaped into my books, and I stopped thinking and doing.
I went into hiding!
How is it possible that the new year can brings so much angst?
It's funny now when I think about it, of how melodramatic the voices in my head is. It's so much easier falling in love with a pair of mesmeric hazel eyes and long sculpted lips, which belong to a man with broad shoulders set atop a lean and muscular frame, with his black hair cut short and curled gently over his brow.
Yum.
I digress. :)
Well as I say, it’s better to get lost in the books of happily of every after than getting lost in my negative thoughts.
Or so I say.
“The negative thoughts will never go away. No matter how much inner work you have done, you will never “arrive” healing. ”
I acknowledge that I’m unhappy!
So What?!
We cannot be happy all the time.
We can’t get what want all the time.
We have to make do with that we want.
And yet, there’s something in me that is riled up by my own inaction and my silly negative thoughts.
It’s super easy to give up - to give up on my baby plans, to stop teaching and writing, 40 Days program………. And if so, what am I going to do then? Who am I going to be? What’s my purpose for living?
Will I be happier?
Answer is no.
“To be happy, think about what you want. ”
Mel says to be happy, we have to think about what we want.
In fact, I’ve started a daily practice of writing down what I want to make happen, and I admit that I stopped because I was afraid they won’t happen.
And you know what?
I’m NOT fine if I don't lose weight.
I’m NOT fine if no one turns up for my 40 Days.
I’m NOT fine if no one loves me.
I’m NOT fine if I don’t teach anymore.
I’m NOT fine if I don’t get pregnant.
I’ve to stop saying I’m fine because I AM NOT FINE!
Acknowledging that I’m not fine takes a load off my heart.
And guess what? The truth is - it’s okay if all that I want to make happen doesn’t happen. And it’s okay that I’m not fine!
What is not okay is if I don’t do anything about it.
Mel’s Ted talk is a wake up call to be in action.
So can you ……
Think about what you want.
What do you want?
Write it down.
It doesn’t have to sound good for everybody. It just have to be good for you. Be selfish for this one moment. Before you can make other people happy, you have to take care of yourself first.
Getting what you want is simple, not easy.
The thing is we have everything we need here in this current day and age to get what we want - there’s google, free and paid training, groups we can join, people to ask…. but you know what or who’s stopping us?
You.
You are getting in your own way.
Are you FINE if they don’t happen?
If you say Yes, sure, you don’t have to do anything about it.
Take that road.
Go ahead.
And consider, by saying “you’re fine”, you’ve convince yourself, that you’re fine not having it.
Like I did in momentarily lapse of judgement, and went into hiding.
And consider that the thing that you want is in areas in your life that you’re stuck and you’ve given up on.
Up to this point!
“In any area of your life you wanna change - fact: You are never gonna feel like it. ”
There is a physical force required to do something new and to change your behaviour.
Most of us are living in a drift of our own negative thoughts, and we do things on autopilot.
What will it take for us WAKE UP and take control of our own lives?
When we were young, it’s our parents’ job to make us do the things you don’t feel like doing up to the age of 18. (or maybe older) And now, being as mature (never old) as we are - it’s our job to parent ourselves. It's our job to do the crap we don’t want to do. We are so busy waiting to feel like it and we are never gonna to.
You have ideas for a reason and not to torture yourself.
You have ideas to change your life, change the world, and yet you do nothing.
You’re fine?
Let me ask you -
What’s the first decision today - press the snooze button? Would you like to wake up earlier, have me-time to read or meditate or journal or exercise?
It’s Simple to get what you want, but not easy.
You have to Force yourself.
We are so used to doing what we’ve always been doing, because it’s comfortable.
Is that what you want? To be comfortable?
What is possible if you choose courage over comfort?
“Routine is killing you. A break from routine - requires force. ”
Your body is wired to send you signals.
If you’re hungry, you eat. If you’re sad, you cry. If you’re happy, you laugh.
Being stuck or dissatisfied is a signal that one of your basic needs is not met - The Need for exploration. With exploration comes growth, and as a human being is our job to grow.
It’s simple to get what you want, but not easy.
Force yourself to be uncomfortable
Get Out of your head.
Past your feelings.
Past your fears.
“If you listen to how you feel to get what you want, you’ll never get it, because you never feel like it .”
It’s not about taking risk. It’s about getting outside, getting outside your comfort zone.
GET OutSIDE - that’s where the magic is.
Stuff is not going to happen in your head. Get outside.
If you want to be happy, think about what you want and BE impulsive.
Mel has a 5 second rule that if you don’t do sometime within 5 seconds of having the idea, you’ll pull the emergency break and kill it.
So I’ve a challenge for you.
It’s simple but it’s not going to be easy.
For the next 7 days - set your alarm for 30 mins earlier, and when it rings, fling your duvet aside, and stand up and go about your day.
I started today. And I did stand up, and brushed my teeth. And I went back to bed.
And I will not give up.
Yesterday does not determine what happen today, so let's wipe the slate clean.
And begin again tomorrow.
Do this with me?
And next time, someone ask you how you’re feeling, say that you’re feeling awful or amazing or excited. STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE!
So WHAT DO YOU WANT?
x