Photo: Instagram.com/chrissyteigen
I want to hate on Chrissy Teigen - why does her life have to be so perfect?
But I can't because I do love her - she's beautiful, quirky, entertaining and so real! She's half-Asian, so I feel a little connection plus she’s also an IVF warrior.
And I love that she's open about sharing her journey of loss, IVF and now surrogacy.
But damn - she's having her family of her dreams of having 4 kids.
photo: instagram / chrissy teigen
I really want to hate on her - there's a tiny piece of me that is angry, frustrated, jealous, sad and annoyed of the unfairness of life - that she could afford to do as many IVF cycles as she wants to and she has that choice or privilege to have a child born via surrogacy.
And a bigger part of me feels happy for her and her family, because I understand how tough the IVF journey is.
Truly I am.
TBH I was surprised because I haven't been triggered in a long time, not even when an IVF sister had her 3rd child recently through IVF, nor when my sister had my beautiful niece, or when I arrived at my sister's house for my nephew's birthday, and found the house overrun by horde of small kids.
And suddenly I had this awful train of unkind thoughts directed at someone that I admire - and I was like Whoah! That is not me. I don't want to do that.
Though it weirdly felt liberating letting it out for a moment but there's a yogic principle that says - Self harm to others begin with us.
When we are unkind to others, even in our head, we are actually being unkind to ourselves. When we are triggered, we are triggering the part of ourselves that is not healed yet.
And what came up for me as I read Chrissie's news is "Life is unfair! Why is she so lucky?" What am I really saying about myself?
“Everyday I experience the joy of receiving and giving love and abundance. ”
I've been living my life in what I hope is a kinder and peaceful way. I’m trying to be a good person and I hate to hate on people. (Oh except that one time when that cyclist cut me off at the junction and didn’t apologise.)
One of my kind loving practices is to see others with love and without judgement.
And I also realised that when I get triggered, I'm being judgy. And that's not who I want to be.
And I acknowledge these truths about triggers
When we are triggered, we are putting ourselves up on a pedestal, there is a sense of isolation, that we are better than (them)
When we are triggered, we are judging others who triggered us
In a way, our triggers are the first line of protective mechanism against a trauma/s we have experienced in the past.
Being judgemental and having unkind thoughts is okay because we are only human. Forgive yourself.
Because only with forgiveness, it gives space for healing.
Because when we are triggered, we are triggering the part of ourselves that is not healed yet.
And with every moment that we get triggered, it's an opportunity to forgive ourselves and heal ourselves - one unkind self-deprecating thought at a time.
Because really, every unkind thought or judgement of others is truly a reflection of what we think of ourselves.
When we hate on them, we are actually hating on ourselves.
When you forgive them, you are really forgiving yourself.
So when I say "Life is unfair! Why is she so lucky?" - what I'm really saying to myself is - why am I so unlucky?
And that’s a lie I’ve been unconsciously telling myself, which is something new!
So I’m working on creating a balancing positive statement- and at the moment, I'm working with this "Everyday I experience the joy of receiving and giving love and abundance" .
But first, I am surrendering this judgement and belief I have of myself and I forgive myself.
“See the light in others, and treat them as if that is all you see.”
The universe does work in magical ways. Coincidentally, a few days before Chrissy's news, I happened to listen to a Dear Gabby podcast on How to release judgement on others:
And she had this prayer which really resonated with me and was perfect for diffusing this trigger/judgement/lie:
The light within you is all I see!
A fact: Like most IVF warriors, in the beginning of my IVF journey, I did get triggered by pregnant women in condos and seeing babies being walked in the prams in the park - and I used these 3 words - I love you , and said it silently in my heart because obviously you can't say it out loud to complete strangers. And it worked.
Like I mentioned, I haven’t been triggered in a long time, so I love Gabby’s take on how to release judgement, and so to Chrissy -
I love you and the light within you is all I see!
Let me summarise this post for you:
The post started out about Chrissy but then it became about how to deal with pregnancy or baby news in a loving way:
Start with a prayer in your hear - I love you. The light within you is all I see.
Forgive yourself
Rinse and Repeat
In the podcast, Gabby says this:
“When you are triggered, there is a feeling of separation. That person is triggering a part of you that is not healed and that is longing for love. Forgiveness gets you out of past and frees you from the burden of judging them. When you forgive, you are extending out energies of love. When you forgive, it’s a way to choose again.”
Let me also remind you again that forgiveness is the path to peace, so even if you can’t forgive yourself, that is fine, as long as you are open to possibilities of forgiveness, and not judge yourself too harshly if you don’t find the peace you need, as yet.
Marianne Williamson says this best “Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.”
I hope this post helps you in your journey to get out of negative thoughts and be kinder to yourself.
Let me know if you are trying the prayer and share in the comments if this is helpful.
