If you could go back in time, what would you say to yourself before infertility?
Have you ever wondered if things would be different if you knew then, what you know now?
To be honest, I don't like to think about the whatifs because then I will start to worry and worrying is a waste of my energy, The past has already happened and I can't change it, and I have enough things to worry about, on my plate.
I want to live my life based on a tenet of on what I can do better next, rather than be caught up in what I should have done. This is one of the ways that gave me grace and compassion to choose how I move forward in life.
But it was therapeutic to sit down and journal this, journal what I would lovingly say to myself about infertility and then to let go and not be attached to the words.
It also inspired my blog post this week, and if you read on, you will read about the beginnings of @bravinginfertility and you get to read the letter I wrote.
How it began
22nd April 2020 was when I first started my @bravinginfertility Instagram Account- my first post being a shoutout for National Infertility Awareness week (NIAW) 2020.
I also wrote this blog post.
23rd April is also my birthday, and and I don't know if its a good thing that every birthday since 2020, I'll be reminding myself of the lowest moments in my life.
But I know I have the choice to feel good about myself. And by choosing to focus on the good stuff that I do have in my life, the people who love me, and the activities that bring me joy - it helps me get out of my head and be in the present of now.
To be honest, I had no idea what my contribution or my post is going to be for NIAW 2023. This year, I am involved with supporting the Fertility Support Singapore (FSS) #IDIDNTKNOW2023 campaign.
On top of that - I'm also doing a business course and Hari Raya is the same weekend!!!
I was so busy, that I didn't think I would have the mental capacity to do the one activity that I'm encouraging everyone to do on Instagram as part of Social Engagement Plan. :):) ...... which is the "Dear Me Before Infertility Letter" . Nor had I imagined I would be writing this blog post right now.
This morning, I opened my journal and started writing. And what you will get to read below is what I really want the "ME BEFORE INFERTILITY" to hear at this moment.
Now if only I go back in time.
No, I don't.
I wouldn't give up my life for what I know right now. I wouldn't be Me. I wouldn't get to be a better version of me.
A Love Letter to Myself Before Infertility
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Dear Me, before (In)fertility
You are going to go on the biggest adventure of your life.
You just got married and you know you want to have a child with the love of your life.
But I have to tell you that things will not go the way you want it to go. You are going to hate all the uncertainties and the changes you have to make in your life.
You are going to cry. You are going to get FAT! You are going to get mad. You are going to feel resentful, angry, hopeless, disappointed, exhausted, old and very very sad. And poor.
And that's okay.
I want you to change the words you say to yourself right now. You are not broken! You are whole and complete. There is time!
Because the truth is… all is well.
I know you are not going to feel that all is well. But you will know in your heart that all is well because you are living a wonderful abundant life with your best friend. You are going to have difficult conversations (yes, I know you hate confrontations) but you will be brave because there is no right or wrong. You both are coming from a place of love and there is nothing to fix or change. Your relationship will get stronger, and it's going to be so cheesy and you are going to love it. Trust me.
All is well.
And you will be helping others too. Remember a few years before, you were so passionate about being of service, and you were looking for whom you can serve in your community - and you found it!! Its right here!!
All is well.
You would have to get back on Instagram which you hate as well, but you will show up because you know it’s important. Because when you are helping others, it helps you to heal.
All is well.
Also please trust your yoga practice. Don't stop. It's going to look different because you have to be gentler, softer and kinder to yourself.
All is well.
And trust your inner wisdom. Its never wrong. Trust that the choices you make are the right one for that moment. And then let it go.
All is well.
Be in the inner work of letting go of the outcome. Not letting go of your dreams to have a child of your own but giving up your plans and what you think the outcome should look like.
You are worthy of motherhood. And you are already a mother in your own way.
Love SS
I hope my letter inspires you to write your own letter to yourself. Be nice! Be compassionate. Be curious. Don’t judge- BE KIND!
Journal this:
Write a "Letter to Yourself before Infertility" - If you could go back in time to the YOU before Infertility, what you say to yourself? What advice/encouragement (etc) would you give?
If you would like to share your letter out to the world, head over to FSS IG, and check out the stories - and screenshot the letter template. FYI, the “IGS Letter challenge” will run until 30th April 2023. Tag @fertilitysupport.sg BUT if you want to remain anonymous, send me a DM.