“I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do. ”

— Leonardo da Vinci

I woke up one morning and these words popped into my head:

YOU DON'T DO ENOUGH OF WHAT YOU KNOW

I know how to meditate, so why am I not meditating?

I should also get to bed earlier because I need 7-8 hours of sleep, damnit!!!!

I know how to do yoga and I don't do enough of it.

I know what I need to do, why am I not doing it?

I don't have any excuses, I’m not working. I’m a stay-at-home-twiddling-thumbs-keyboard-warrior-romance-novel-addict….erm human being.

What am I waiting for? Or in Baron’s words - what is holding me back?

FOR THE VOICES TO BE QUIET…!!??

Let me tell you what some of the voices in my head have been saying:

1st Voice said - "What’s the point? You’ll never get to your pre-IVF body within the next 2 weeks!”
2nd Voice said - “Haven’t your body suffered enough? You’ve injected, injested, incepted, inserted, implanted hormonal goodies into your body. And now you want to further stress your body with hard core workouts?”
Third Voice says - “but’s it’s only yoga.”
1st Voice retorts back - “Bah! If you wanna lose weight. Yoga is not enough. Plus you need to do it everyday. You don’t have the discipline”
3rd voice: “I do. I’m already drinking yucky herbs and swallowing multiple multi-vits and anti-oxidants (when I say multiple, last count was 15!!!!) EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!
2nd Voice: “Aren’t you tired and sick of doing all this?
1st Voice: “You don’t have the time.”
4th Voice: “But is it possible?”
2nd Voce: “Yes!"
4th Voice: “What are you going to do about it?”

If I have to give my voices a name -

Voice 1 is voice of self-doubt

Voice 2 is the voice of sensibility

Voice 3 is voice of reason

Voice 4 is Baron’s voice (my teacher)

Truth is - I CAN’T SILENCE THE VOICES

But I’ve the power to tell them go away.

So GO AWAY!

“Are you listening with your heart? Quiet down the voices in your head. And listen for what is actually there.”

What else is holding me back?

Is it because I’m not disciplined enough? And I’m lazy?

That did cross my mind. You know, the lie of I’m a bad girl, and I’m not good enough yada yada yada.

This “Discipline issue” came up a year ago when I was struggling with sleeping late and thus not waking up early enough to meditate or yoga. And I discovered that doing things consistently is a choice or a rule we made up. And so if it’s a rule, I can break it easily and not feel guilty. And so to stop the guilty, I gave myself permission to break my own rules.

So right now the issue right now - is that I don’t feel guilty for not exercising nor waking up early to meditate.

- Which is awesome, coz it means I’ve grown AND on the other hand, in yoga, we talk about “sukha stira asanam” - finding balanced action of effort and ease and it applies to life!

And I’m not very balanced right now since I have all these voices and complaints hogging my headspace.

Baron says: "When we lack discipline or self control or act compulsive - we say how can I be so weak? Why don’t I have any willpower? The truth is it takes a lot of power to systematically sabotage every day of your life. Feeling controlled by our problems, behaviours or addictions is not an issue of powerlessness. The issue is that we are turning our power against ourselves.

So if there’s LESS guilt today, all I need is more responsibility in action.

I need to take my power back.

How little you do the things you know

Be honest with yourselves. You know this……

You know how to eat healthy.

You know what to do to heal yourself.

You know why you have to get 8 hours of sleep.

And yet we google endlessly, we read, we research, we spend money on trainings, and what do we do with all those information. We wait for the right time, we wait till we wake up at 7am without snoozing, we wait till our body heals, we wait for our husbands to start going to the gym before we start…….

So many excuses, Sophie.

You know what? I’m going to tell myself what to do…… because no one else can. No else can effect change on another person. That person needs to want to change.

If not you, who?

I’m willing to change. Are you?

“The biggest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance; it is the illusion of knowledge.

”

— Daniel J. Boorstin

WHAT YOU KNOW IS ENOUGH

Start with what you have because it’s enough.

I keep telling my friends that they already have everything to do what they need to do.

• Write about IVF so I say to a friend who is starting her fertility coaching business, and who has documented all her research. Compile your published poems to a friend who writes everyday. If you don’t understand the trauma of giving birth, share about your trauma of epilepsy, because trauma is trauma - it’s a different experience but same human emotional feeling.

So Sophie, listen to yourself now!

AND…… right now, I know what I need to do and I know what works for me - I need to declare a new commitment, and declaring is not enough.

I need to share it with you.

What I commit to is to:

• AND Practice yoga everyday for 12 Days

I’ve already started last Friday.

Waking up to do 20 mins yoga is not that hard. I dropped JIP and moved according to how my body feels.

I’ve scheduled 2 gym workouts to 10 days, 1 yoga class and 2 brisk walks.

I’m taking back my power and I know it’s always going to be a constant tug of war. And it's Okay.

I got it!

“We never arrived, healed. It’s less about what happens in the end, and more about how you are showing up in single every moment.”

— Sophie Sanders